Don't Define Yourself By 'Normal'

I did a play a few years ago and I met some spankers. Yep you heard it, spankers. They were into spanking. They met regularly and spanked each other for sexual gratification. As one does.

Now, the main thing I noticed about them wasn't (only) the red hand-prints on their extremities, but interestingly, an all pervading sense of satisfaction, happiness.

They weren't guilty about their interest in the art of spanking and they were not apologetic about it. Perhaps because they had found a group of like minded people who they drew support from.

In Costa Rica I met a man who had a foot fetish. As one does. And he was apologetic about it, ashamed, disgusted with himself even. He drunkenly confessed it to a group of us one evening and they too, were pretty off-put.

The difference between the spankers and the foot fetish-er was not the 'abnormality' - the difference was how they felt about themselves and their 'abnormality'. The foot guy didn't like who he was and was unhappy, the spankers liked themselves and were happy.

And this is so for everything, not just a person's sexual predilection, it matters everywhere.

Most of us want to fit in. It's natural, a desire to fit in with the group is healthy. But our society has taken that a little too far. We often become defined by it. We rid ourselves of perceived 'abnormalities' or at least hide them very well, to fit in with the status quo. We are ashamed of our differences. We hide them, delete them, wrap them up in newspaper and throw them in the trash.

But the issue here, is that when you deny any one part of yourself, you lose sight of who you are.

And that's where the problem lies.

Because you cannot be happy when you aren't being yourself. It's unfortunate and not very convenient – but the absolute undeniable truth. Happiness is only found when you are being yourself. In all your weird and wonderful glory. Being yourself and accepting yourself.

It's ironic that I was quite impressed by the spankers. That's a sentence you don't write everyday. But I was, I mean the thought of my bottom being pummelled is not one I take to too readily, but nevertheless, I was impressed with the fact that they had enough courage to enact things they liked, enough courage to seek out other like minded people and enough courage to be who they were.

So whatever your 'abnormality' – accept it and embrace it, because by doing so you are accepting and embracing yourself.